Two's a Crowd

Winner of Funniest Comedy '03

Runner up for Most Loved Character (Christine) '03

Author’s note: This has been a long planned story of mine, I hope you like it. The Beast Wars and its characters still belong to Mainframe Entertainment and Hasbro…. even though I wish I could own Megatron! Well, here we go; this will be quite an adventure, heeheehee….

The large grey laser printer whined and hummed. A thin white piece of paper slid out into the tray. Carefully she picked up the still-hot sheet and barely restrained herself from squealing. Christine turned the paper over and there was a crisp, black and white picture of someone she adored—Transmetal Megatron.

Skipping back to her chair Christine quickly closed down Internet Explorer. She wasn’t supposed to be on the Internet at school without a permission slip, but she had taken the chance to get Megatron’s picture off of Sapphire’s Beast Wars web site. A wide smile spread across her face as she giggled. This was a perfect picture! She sighed dreamily. Certainly one for her bulletin board, along with her other pictures of Transmetal Megatron. Too bad most of them were in black and white though, instead of color. Christine preferred “living color”.

A flurry of movement caught her attention. Christine’s studyhall teacher was coming to check on his students, to make sure they were staying out of trouble. Quickly she stuffed the new picture into her folder and went back to typing her story already set up to make it look like she was doing work.

At home Christine sat on her bed staring at Megatron’s picture, daydreaming. Beside the picture a stack of homework loomed ominously large, but she ignored it. She thought of all the fun she could have in the Beast Wars. Already she had written about them, her “Beast Wars Adventures”. Christine let out a long sigh. But they were pretend. The Beast Wars was fictional. Only stories of wonderful characters and situations created by a company. Her absolute favorite TV show. Just fictional. Sometimes it was depressing to think about, but it was the truth.

Tossing back strawberry blonde shoulder length hair, Christine picked up Megatron’s picture and examined it with dark blue eyes. Megatron seemed to be stepping forward, with his gun opened threateningly to whomever he was talking to. His optics had a bright gleam in them, and she could almost hear his voice declaring:

Too bad he never did, Christine thought bitterly. She blinked and tilted the picture. The white paper looked shiny, as if covered by a thin layer of glitter. She fingered the paper lightly. It didn’t feel any different from any other paper.

An hour later Christine’s brain was fried. She flopped backwards and stared at the ceiling.

“I can’t take much more of this! Who cares what a…” she weakly sat up and read from her Biology book. “Greater trochanter on the femur is anyway??” She laid back down with a yawn and spotted Transmetal Megatron’s picture.

“I bet robots don’t need to know this stuff…. Oh wait, duh, robots don’t even have bones.” She giggled before yawning again. “Hmmm…. I wish… I could meet them someday…. It would be so much fun…..”

Cool breezes wrapped themselves around Christine’s sleepy form. Grumbling she pulled her navy blue sweatshirt tighter around her. Oh great, I must have left the window open… what a grand thing to do in winter. A harsh bird call brought her to further wakefulness. She growled. Stupid birds. Only they’d be outside this time of year…. Then she realized her bed had gotten hard. And lumpy. That didn’t make any sense. Well, nothing much did when Christine wasn’t completely awake. She forced herself to go back to sleep as a voice called out:

Okay, I must still be asleep then, Christine told herself, because otherwise Terrorsaur’s voice would have to be real. Yeah, that’s it….

“I don’t know… it looks like a human. Asleep. Hmm…. What’s this?” A paper crinkled. “It’s a picture of Grape-face! But how—“

Christine had heard enough. She leapt blindly up and ran to the nearest safe place—behind a tree. Peeking around it she saw the grassy patch she’d been lying on…. and two robots. Waspinator and Terrorsaur stared at her with wide optics. Overhead three ebony black crows cawed noisily while weaving through the tall treetops.

The world became a swirling tornado of color before it gradually faded into a deep black.

Leaning back in his consol chair, Rattrap stretched and yawned loudly. Monitor duty was so boring! And why did he have to do it anyway? It wasn’t fair.

“I risked my sweet pink tail ta put da cameras in dat Pred stinkpot, an’ now I have ta watch ‘em! Hmph! Dat makes a lot of sense…”

He skillfully jerked the chair forwards before he leaned too far back. Through weary and bored optics Rattrap glanced at the camera views shown on several monitors. One showed Black Arachnia checking the Darkside’s security scanners, while another watched a card game between Quickstrike, Rampage and Inferno. What the Maximal saw on the third view made him sit up with interest.

He fiddled with several controls. The view zoomed in and the volume increased. The third camera was strategically placed in the main chamber, where Megatron always sat and plotted. The tyrant was talking to Terrorsaur and Waspinator. They held a small figure between them.

“We found her a little ways from the base, in the temperate forest.” Terrorsaur said, “When she woke up she bolted behind a tree and then collapsed.”

Rattrap’s interest instantly perked up another notch. Fleshy-bot? Dat could only mean…. He adjusted the camera view further and focused on the form between the two Predacon flyers.

Rattrap held his breath as Megatron paused before answering, a million possibilities whizzing through his mind. Preds with a human…. not good! But before the Predacon leader could speak, the girl stirred.

His voice held urgency. “Get your monkey butt down here, fearless leader. We have a situation.”

Within moments Optimal Primal and the other Maximals gathered in the Command Center, watching through the camera’s hidden eye.

Megatron’s pink optics widened with amusement as the human slowly awoke. She was small and thin, with hair that wasn’t orange, but it wasn’t yellow either. An interesting color of sorts. Her cheeks were peppered with flecks of brown freckles. The clothing she wore was mostly dark— heavy blue pants, a purple shirt, all covered by a navy blue sweatshirt. As the human straightened up Megatron noted she was at least a head shorter than Terrorsaur. She gazed at the Predacon leader with a mixture of fear and astonishment. He began to wonder if her eyes would pop out of her head.

“B-but how??” The human seemed to notice Terrorsaur and Waspinator for the first time. She turned to the silver and red Predacon.

Megatron leaned forward in his chair. “How do you know about that?” he demanded.

Her captors jerked on her hard, reminding her that she was their prisoner. Megatron hid his amazement for the outspoken girl behind a stern face. She knows my name and about the Quantum Surge….

“I DO have a name, you know. Don’t start calling me “human” or “fleshy-bot” or “fleshling”. I will not tolerate it!’

“Really,” Megatron leaned back and gazed at her, tapping his fingers together. “Let’s have your name, then.”

“Well then, Christine,” Megatron spat out her name harshly, “Answer my question. How do you know of the Quantum Surge? Clearly you are not from this timeframe. How did you get here, if I may ask that as well?”

Waspinator yelped and limped up to Megatron, handing him a piece of paper. He went back to his place beside Christine. Glancing down at her he said,

She prepared to stomp again when he jumped back. Terrorsaur’s grip on her arm prevented her from following.

“Enough!” shouted Megatron. Christine’s wide eyes turned to him and she realized what he had in his hand. She felt her face burn red.

“So far you have not answered my questions, um…. Christine. However, this I am dying to know….. How did you get a picture of me?”

The teenager’s mind flew as lightning to come up with an explanation. Should I tell him the truth? What if he doesn’t believe me? Should I make something up? And omigosh if my face gets any redder….

“Um…” She nervously looked up at him. The truth can’t hurt, she decided.

“In my time, the year 2003, the Beast Wars is fictional. And….” Christine’s voice trailed off as she watched his reaction. Megatron’s optics gleamed with interest.

“Basically it was a TV show, all made up, from beginning to end. Of the war.”

“Uh huh. My friends and I, well, we like the show a lot. There are pictures one can get. I recently got one of you.”

The girl’s face was bright red, and Megatron guessed it was from embarrassment, though exactly what from he didn’t dwell on. He already had several other thoughts from this new information. If the Beast Wars was fictional in her world…. yet she’d seen it from beginning to end…. this human could be very useful.

“I see.” Megatron finally said. “Then, the former question, if I may bring it up again…. How did you get here?”

“I have no idea.” Christine’s gaze fell on the picture still in his hand. “It might be…. um, nevermind.”

“Fine then,” he folded up the paper and put it away. “Now, the last question is… What to do with you?”

After some debating the Predacon leader decided to let Christine wander around the Darkside. She had made some clever points that she wouldn’t mess with anything mechanical, because she didn’t know how anything worked anyway. She would also be careful around the lava pits, because falling into them “wouldn’t be a good idea.” Terrorsaur and Waspinator were assigned to watch her, because they were the ones who found her in the first place. She watched the two flyers play Poker with Quickstrike and Rampage for a while, but eventually became bored so she went off to go exploring. Christine found Megatron in his command chair doing some work on the computer.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts Megatron jumped with a small gasp. Glancing down he saw the small human waving at him.

Megatron came across an error in his plan and began to work it out when his thoughts were shattered.

His pink optics narrowed as he glanced up and saw Christine standing by his chair again. Megatron felt his patience beginning to wear very thin.

The Predacon tyrant’s thoughts began to arrange themselves when the voice started,

He would have laughed at Christine’s startled expression if he hadn’t been so angry. It took awhile before she found her voice.

With a frustrated growl he stood up. Christine blinked and gulped. She’d never imagined him to be so tall! She felt like a little kitten next to him.

Several minutes later Megatron returned with a huge jar of nuts and bolts. He gave it to her, and pointed across the large chamber.

“Do you see that door? There’s a small room in there. Go play.” He settled back into his chair and began to work. After a moment of silence he glanced up and still saw Christine.

She held on tight with both hands around the jar, its weight almost too much for her.

“Count them. Sort them. Build something from them. I don’t care, just please, please leave me alone!”

In the Axalon’s Command Center Cheetor howled with laughter and nearly fell on the floor.

Rattrap leaned on him for support, his sides shaking in laughter. “An’ da look on her face when she got yelled at! Priceless!”

“Now Rattrap, that wasn’t very nice…. Oh, I’ve never seen Megatron so frustrated, hahahaha!”

Standing in the corner, Dinobot fought to suppress a smile threatening to form on his face.

Silence settled in the Darkside’s main chamber for a long time. Megatron happily completed his plans and put the finishing touches on them. He was checking them over for the fourth time when a small voice piped up.

He considered saying no, but decided against it. With her persistence she’d continue to bother me until I did…. He sighed.

“C’mon c’mon c’mon!!” She cried, trying to push him faster. It didn’t do any good, but Megatron allowed her to push him anyway. This human is so interesting… Even though she seems to be a young woman, she acts like a child! How can one be so happy and enthusiastic? Very interesting indeed….

The door slid open and he stepped into the little brightly lit room. Christine squeezed past him and presented her accomplishment.

Megatron stared down at the mass of stacked nuts and bolts, attempting to make some sense out of them.

She beamed. “Do you really think so? It was really hard to do, but I tried to make it look just like you.”

Megatron coughed. “Uh, yess! Of course I did! Good work Christine, it’s…. truly a piece of art.”

The Transmetal leader left the room, shaking his head. This human was strange….

Megatron’s thoughts began to get cloudy near the end of the day. His weary optics could hardly keep themselves activated. It was time to turn in for the night. He made his way sleepily to his quarters, where he met Christine halfway.

Oh no…. he thought, not now! “I’m going to my quarters for some rest, and I do not want to be disturbed. Is that clear?”

“Oh yes,” she nodded fiercely, “go on then, get some sleep, it’s good for you!”

Night turned into a fresh dawn as the sun arose lazily over the horizon. Megatron awoke early, like he always did, to get things done. No one else was awake as he strolled into the command chamber and approached his seat with a big yawn. There he found Christine curled up and sound asleep. Suddenly he was more alert.

He stood for a moment and pondered on what to do. Looking on her peaceful sleeping form, Megatron grinned. At least she’s quiet…. Aw what the slag. I’ll just leave her alone for now. I’ll have more silence that way.

Eventually the other Predacons began to awaken and get to work, but they all stopped and watched with amusement as Megatron stood beside his chair waiting for Christine to wake up. Finally she stirred and stretched, blinking sleepy eyes. She ran her fingers through messed up strawberry blonde hair and saw Megatron. She smiled.

He crossed his arms and scowled. “Good morning. I believe you are in MY chair, Christine.”

“Yeah, I know….” she slowly sat up, still stretching. “It was the only place I could find to sleep. I’m sorry, I shudda told you.”

Megatron heard some of the Predacons’ stifled laughter. They were still waiting to see what he’d do.

She frowned, sliding out. “Fine, you dorkbot. Obviously someone around here isn’t a morning person!”

Sharp laughter exploded from the observing Predacons. Megatron cringed and attempted to salvage his pride.

“OUT!” He shouted, scooting Christine away. She spun around and slapped his hand.

More hysterical laughter erupted. Christine grinned at the Predacons, and then caught a death glare from Megatron. She hastily retreated from the room.

Rhinox caught himself before he fell to the floor, laughing hard. He and Cheetor held each other up.

“I…I don’t know what’s better, what she said or how Megatron glared at her!!”

Later, she, Waspinator, Quickstrike and Inferno played cards. Since Christine didn’t know how to play Poker, they played Go Fish. This confused Waspinator at first, because they didn’t have any fishing poles. After the issue was resolved they played Go Fish without further events. When they had finished (and Quickstrike had won), Christine went to go see Megatron.

The tyrant leader was once again in his command chair; making plans to destroy the Maximals. He spotted her and groaned.

Megatron slapped his forehead. “I’m sure it is, but go away. I have no time for you.”

A faint memory flashed through his mind. Slag, she’s right. I must have been VERY tired…. from dealing with her all day… Megatron straightened in his chair and pointed a finger at her.

“Yes I do remember, and NO I will NOT read you a story. Not now, not ever. Understand?”

He sputtered. “I am a Commander in the middle of a war! I do not have time to read a human child a story! Now go away and LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Oh.” She stared at the floor, her enthusiasm extinguished. “Okay then.” With that she slowly walked away.

Megatron watched her disappear; relieved he was able to get her to leave. Then a realization struck him. She’ll be back to bother me again! He jumped out of his chair faster than he’d ever moved. I’d better go somewhere else! His sharp mind thought quickly. The weapon’s storage room…. Yess, I have to do an inventory anyway….

He froze in his tracks and spun around to see Christine a few feet behind him. Her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed, as if she’d been crying. He felt a twinge of guilt, though he didn’t know why.

“Are you okay?” asked Megatron before he knew it. She wiped at her eyes and sniffled.

“Yeah… You just startled me earlier, and I cry really easy. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you so much.”

“I see,” he said, “Uh… To answer your question, I am off to do some work.” He turned to walk away, and jumped back when Christine suddenly appeared in front of him.

He looked down at the human for a moment. She’s so small, but filled with so much hope. Truly interesting indeed. With a chuckle Megatron patted her head gently.

About an hour later the Predacon leader began to stack the weapon-filled crates back up after taking an inventory of them. After all, the Predacon armory had to be kept well stocked. Megatron shoved some of them under a low shelf.

He arose woozily and rubbed the top of his aching head. Christine tore into the room and zipped behind him before he could react.

Although Megatron didn’t believe her, she did have a good point. Rampage liked to torture people if he got the chance. Soon Rampage’s low spooky voice echoed from the hall.

“Where are you, little human? Come on, I just want to play! I won’t hurt you… much!”

“Aw…. I can sense your fear!” Rampage appeared by the doorway. “Here you are—“ The crab robot stopped and narrowed his emerald green optics.

“My great leader Megatron,” his voice dripped in sarcasm, “I was not aware you were the human’s guardian. My apologies.”

Megatron scowled at him, ignoring the indirect insult. “I happen to be the only one she trusts, with good reason. Get back to your post, Rampage.”

The giant robot gave a mock bow and turned away. “As you wish, oh great leader.”

He blinked and shook his head. Had he really protected her? I must be losing my marbles…. Megatron covered his confusion with a stern face.

“You’re welcome, but you’d better watch yourself from now on, alright? I won’t always be around for you to hide behind.”

Throughout the day Christine annoyed Megatron frequently, by asking him questions, begging him for something to do, asking him to play games with her. He became increasingly aware that the other Predacons were enjoying all the attention he was getting from the young woman. His irritation of her continuous presence gradually became a slight terror.

The Darkside’s main chamber was completely quiet for once, and Megatron began to relax and let his nerves calm down. He yawned and stretched, ready to take a nap.

“GAH!” With a startled jump he snapped awake. Christine stood waving beside his chair. Swallowing his pounding spark the Predacon tyrant wailed, “What do you want NOW?? Can’t you just leave me be??” The last line came out as a whimper, “What must I do to make you leave?”

“A hug?? Dear Primus, how could a Predacon….?” Megatron gave up with a huge sigh. “Alright. But then do you PROMISE to leave me alone? For longer than five minutes? A whole day, perhaps?!”

“Fine.” He got up from his chair and grudgingly held out his arms. “Come here, then.”

She ran to him and wrapped her arms around his middle, even though she couldn’t reach all the way around. For a long moment they stood together, and Megatron began to wonder how long this had to last.

Muffled voices came from the other chamber of the Darkside before Terrorsaur and Waspinator emerged into the main chamber. The two flyers spotted them and stared. Then without warning Christine declared,

The Darkside’s main door flew open, and Megatron dropped Christine outside on the ground, his voice shaking.

Dinobot fell from his consol chair and held his splitting sides aching in laughter. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so hard, or even half as much. This was wonderful! He bumped into Rattrap, who was on the floor with him, as well as Rhinox, Optimus, and Cheetor. Their laughter filled the room to its bursting point. Silverbolt stood off to one side, watching them.

“I do not see what is so amusing, because after all, Megatron’s pride was at stake….”

Far from where Megatron sat grumbling in his command chair, Waspinator, Terrorsaur, Quickstrike, Black Arachnia and Rampage held a hushed conference around their small card table. Actually, Rampage wasn’t listening at all to the conversation. His emerald green optics focused on his leader across the room. He could sense several emotions coming from Megatron, and above them all was confusion. Rampage considered it an emotion, since it almost always came with fear, something he knew well. But this time the confusion blended with different emotions—frustration, and, interestingly enough, affection. It made Rampage want to puke.

“Hey Crablegs, are you listening?” Black Arachnia’s agitated voice shattered his thoughts.

“Hm?” the giant robot turned to her. “Actually, no.” He answered bluntly.

Rampage glanced at him. “Do you know how much I’ve always wanted to try fried Pterodactyl wings, hmm?”

The larger robot chuckled deeply. “Then keep your beak shut. Now what were you saying, my dear spider?” he turned his attention away from a cringing Terrorsaur. Black Arachnia clacked her claws together, clearly annoyed with them.

Quickstrike’s snake head hissed, and his real one nodded. “It’s too much fun t’ watch the Boss-bot deal wit’ her. So we’ve figured, we talk him inta lettin’ her come back in, so we c’n have more entertainment!”

“Oh,” sighed Rampage, leaning on the palm of his left hand, bored out of his CPU. “I see your point. But how are we going to do that?”

“We tell Megatron we know how to send ‘er home!” Quickstrike bounced in his seat. “Dactyl-face, tell ‘im how it’s done.”

Terrorsaur cast a weary glance at Rampage before speaking. “Well, when Waspinator and I found the human a few days ago, she also had a picture with her too. Of Megatron, believe it or not. So I’m thinking maybe that’s it. That’s what brought her here.”

Rampage’s laugh echoed in the chamber. “And how do we tell ol’ Grape-face this grand piece of news?”

Sorting through a maelstrom of thoughts and feelings Megatron almost didn’t hear the nervous buzz coming from in front of him.

He glanced up and saw Waspinator, who looked jumpy enough to bolt away in an instant.

“Ummm…. Wazzpinator thinkzz he can get rid of Fleshy-bot for you…. The picture Dactyl-bot and Wazzpinator found with Fleshy-bot… Might have brought her here, so maybe---“

Megatron snapped his fingers. “Maybe it can send her home! Excellent idea, Waspinator!”

“Yesss!” The Predacon leader instantly brightened. “Waspinator, go outside and retrieve the human— just don’t tell her I told you to, okay?”

“Oh yezzz!” Waspinator transformed to beast mode and flew away. “Wazzpinator not get blown up! Oh happy day!”

Megatron watched him go, and made certain he was out of earshot before he said sternly,

“As for the rest of you, the next time I hear you talking about me I will personally give you something to talk ABOUT! Is that understood?”

The round grey stone curved upwards into a sharp arch before it dropped straight back to the earth. Christine picked up another one and threw it as hard as she could. It landed a little farther away than the first stone.

She had wandered away from the Darkside and its lava pits after being dropped outside. She really didn’t mind it; Christine liked the fresh air and breezes from the outside world.

“That and I deserve being out here after what I said in the base,” she giggled, “I had no idea robots could blush! That was so cute….” then she sighed heavily. “Megs probably won’t forgive me in a million years though…. but oh well.”

After walking a little ways more Christine stopped when she heard a low buzz. Turning around she saw Waspinator flying over the horizon, happily talking to himself.

“Heh! Zzpider-bot thought Wazzpinator getzzz scrapped, but no! Megatron liked Wazzpinator’zzz good idea! Heeheeheehee!” He flew down to the awaiting human.

“Wazzpinator supposed to take Fleshy-bot back to base!” buzzed the bug. “Megatron said—oppzz.”

“GAH!” Waspinator nearly did a head dive into the ground. He nervously spun around. “Fleshy-bot know thizz— Wazzpinator DID NOT say that, okay?”

“Hmmzzzz…. Wazzpinator had good idea, not get blown up, Wazzpinator did not tell Fleshy-bot, will not get blown up, yezzzz….”

An annoying buzz entered the main chamber of the Darkside. Megatron didn’t have a chance to turn around before Waspinator was in his face.

The tyrant watched him go, shaking his head. Sometimes it took little to please Waspinator. Megatron smiled. Probably because he hasn’t been blown apart yet today….

Christine stood grinning in front of him, hands behind her back. Megatron silently asked for guidance from the Matrix before addressing her.

“Sure, of course I did!” he declared, hardly able to suppress himself from laughing at Christine’s surprised expression.

“You did?” She cautiously asked. “Um, did you hurt yourself or something?”

“Oh no no no!” He mentally said, I’ve just found a way to get revenge on you… But to her he cried, “I’ve found a way for you to go home!”

Christine’s face beamed. She began bouncing where she stood. “Really? How?”

“This,” Megatron carefully pulled out the folded picture he’d taken from her two days before. He handed it to her. “It was found with you. I have surmised it must have brought you here.”

She took it and unfolded the shiny white paper. “Yeah…. I guess so…. But how?”

He leaned forward in his chair. “Before awakening in this world, what do you remember doing before falling asleep? Think carefully now.”

She scratched her head. “Um…. I was studying for a Biology test. Then I said something about robots and bones, I think….”

“Yes? Yes?” Megatron caught himself before leaning too far forward in his chair.

“YES!” He nearly jumped for joy. “That’s it, then! All you have to do is wish yourself home!”

The black and white picture gently floated to the ground as Christine let it go. She watched it fall before gazing at Megatron with tear-filled eyes.

He felt his spark sink. Reaching down he gently patted her back. “No, no, my dear, I merely wish to see you safely home. A war is no place for a young human. That is the honest truth.” Or at least half of it.

“I’m going to miss you,” she said softly, “and everyone else. But… you’re right. I can’t stay here. I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you.”

“That’s alright. You were no worse than what I always have to put up with.”

A giggle escaped from her throat. She smiled, letting go of his arm. Picking up the sheet of paper from the floor, Christine looked at the picture of Megatron for a long time, then the real one sitting in front of her.

Watching through the spy camera’s eye, the Maximals traded handkerchiefs and wiped their tears. Rattrap sighed.

“Yeah, who knew we’d get so attached watching her?” said Cheetor with a sniffle.

“She had to go home, that’s all there is to it.” Optimus tried to sound stern but failed miserably.

From the corner of the Command Center Dinobot watched the nauseatingly emotional Maximals. I’ll never understand them… His sharp red optics turned to the camera monitor. He suddenly ran forward, leaning to the screen.

In her room in her own dimension, Christine sat on her bed, gazing at all her belongings through watery eyes. She sighed heavily.

Christine spun around and saw Megatron waving at her. She groaned and flopped backwards on the soft bed.