3.Dec.2005
Problems writing BW fan fiction and how to solve them
Chapter two
By:
Rainynight
Disclaimer:
Hasbro owns the Beast Wars, I make no profit.
“Ok.” Optimus said
quickly typing on a computer. They had all gone back to the Axalon to write the
fic because it was more comfortable.
“So,
we’ve decided that a big number of female characters come crashing down in
pods. They are our long-lost love interests.”
“Then
how come we didn’t know they were in the pods?”
“Shut
up, Tarantulas, that’s not important!” Blackarachia hissed.
“The
important thing is,” Optimus continued, “that the pods have been damaged and
they all got amnesia so they don’t remember who is supposed to be in love with
whom.”
Everyone
applauded.
“Brilliant!”
“But
isn’t there at least one human?”
“Argh,
Dinobot! All right then. All of their beast modes are humans.”
“Eh,
what?”
“But
how did that…”
“NEVERMIND, Tarantulas! The aliens did it!”
“Ok,
Ok, no need to shout.”
Optimus
sighed tiredly.
“I
never thought it would be that hard. Now on to the next problem. What if I want
to bring back dead characters?”
“You
call that a problem?”
“Isn’t
it?”
“Neah.
If Hasbro does it,
why can’t we? Just make sure you don’t honour the old Hasbro tradition of
making characters uglier and uglier every time they come back from the dead.”
“Thank
you, Rattrap!” Optimus and Dinobot chorused.
The
rat shrugged.
“Can
you deny it?”
“Look,
why don’t you just write that they didn’t REALLY die?” Blackarachia
suggested. “Somehow the SURVIVED. This works best if the character in question
is Rampage. In his case you might even sound believable.”
Rampage
smirked while Depth Charge mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like
‘We’ll see about that.’
“I
have an idea too!” Cheetor said. “Somebody summoned the poor guy’s spark
back from the Matrix because he was needed to save the world!”
“No,
please, Cheetor, not again!” Optimus moaned.
“Yeah,
yeah, why don’t you just write that they were reborn into a brand new bot who
has the old one’s memories.”
“Actually,
my dear Dinobot, since I made this thing canon, it’s been used quite often,
yesss.” Megatron said. “Also works in romance fics when the main
character’s partner was killed and then reintroduced in the Beast Wars as some
kind of weird reincarnation. That was thanks to me.”
“Thanks
to ya, my skidplate! You didn’t mean him to have the old Dinobot’s memories
at all! That was my idea! I demand legal rights!” Rattrap shouted.
“But
if I hadn’t created him in the first place…”
“You’re
both wasting your time.” Blackarachia cut them off. “The legal rights belong
to Hasbro. Can we get back to the point now? What if a crazy time anomaly
transported the characters to a time when everyone’s alive?”
“Err…
That’s not possible if I really want to include everyone.
At the time when some bots were still alive others were not even born yet.”
There was a moment of
silence while everyone considered that.
“The why are we all
here now?”
“Tarantulas, for the
last time, stop asking stupid questions!”
“No, listen, guys, I
think we’re inside a fic!”
But the others ignored
him.
“Hey,
Crabcakes, you haven’t said anything.” Rattrap noted.
“I
was merely wondering just how stupid all of you are. Write the words
‘Alternate Universe’ at the top of the fic and all your problems are
solved.”
There
was a pause.
“Oh.”
Everyone said.