Eternity

I spun slowly as I drifted lazily through the depths of space.

Some would say that my fate was a just punishment; I was no longer even a spark; any physical components were long shed from by being.

No, now I’m just a wraith; a wisp that can see all but do nothing. A conscious, a conscience, and nothing else.

Even my father has the ability to possess others, an ability I’ve been denied.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Most of you know my story, but if you’ll listen, I’ll tell you ‘my’ side of my story, so that you can make your own mind about what I did, and ‘why’ I did it.

All I ask is that you don’t pity me, pity never helped anyone.

This is my story…

I awoke screaming, that was the first thing I ever remember.

At that stage, no one could hear me; I was just a glowing ball of spark.

I didn’t know what was happening; I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, all I could do was feel pain and scream in silence.

Life continued like this for many months; so long that I honestly thought that it was all there was to life.

But even then I somehow knew I was different from others, even though I never knew there ‘were’ others.

Finally, the tests on my spark yielded all that they could, and I was given a body.

It wasn’t much of a body compared to what it would become; it was just a shell built large enough to hold all the internal equipment needed for the tests, but although I didn’t know it at that stage, it was also built powerful.

Just a twist of fate I guess; whoever built the body knew it was to be big, and so made it accordingly powerful. An oversight by the techs maybe, but a welcome one at that.

Anyway, aside from that, for the first time in my existence I was overjoyed; having a body was so much more than just being a blind sphere in a glass jar.

Even so, the scientists didn’t waste any time; my body was viciously attacked in any matter that the techs could think of; their favourite was to amputate limbs just to watch them grow back.

Many people think that these tests were what drove me insane; that I did what I did as revenge.

Nothing could be further from the truth; I knew no other life and so had nothing to compare it to; I didn’t even flinch when the tests were being conducted, simply because I didn’t know that was the usual reaction to pain.

I had no idea how long I was there; I guess about ten years of being some bots' lab rat.

Then one day a miracle happened; the techs had long since stopped thinking I was dangerous; even the smallest mech there could lead me around the facility by my hand without any restraints from my ‘quarters’ to the operating rooms.

Anyway, one of the techs became complacent and didn’t tie my straps down properly.

It wasn’t the first time it had happened; on several occasions I wasn’t even strapped down; it wasn’t as if I would’ve tried to get away.

But this time was different; the tech that was in the room with me panicked and fumbled with his key card trying to get out of the door.

If he’d been calm about it I wouldn’t have even moved, but I sensed the bots distress and reached out to help him.

I smile on that memory now; I was a gentle giant, there was no malice behind my actions, I was merely trying to help.

Anyway, I gave the tech his card back, but I wanted to say ‘something’ to him, find some way of getting a message across.

Unfortunately, I’d only ever known pain; I honestly thought that it was the way that bots communicated.

Whenever I’d screamed it had always been an indication to step up the pain, and so I did the same in response to the techs pained cries.

Suddenly he stopped screaming and I let go.

For the only time ever in my life I was scared; I’d endured far more pain than that, yet this response was new to me.

The bot didn’t move.

Strangely this fascinated me; I didn’t know it at the time, but I could never experience death myself.

It was always something that others could experience but I couldn’t; I took the key card and let myself out of the room, ‘experiencing’ death through any techs that I came across, I guess that despite everything I still had an inquisitive nature.

You must understand, I had no idea that what I was doing was wrong; if I had I probably wouldn’t have done it; I wasn’t stupid, I was actually highly intelligent, but I lacked any teaching or any knowledge about how life worked, and so everything that I did was a new learning experience.

Finally there were no more techs in the facility; I began to worry; it had been so long since I’d been experimented on that the strange break in the only habit I knew was unnerving.

I stayed alone in that facility for probably about two years; no one ever came to see what had happened; I learned later that the facility was so top-secret that it wasn’t uncommon for it to have no contact with anyone for decades at a time.

Thinking back on it, I probably would have lived out my life contentedly being trapped alone in the facility, but one day whilst exploring a corridor I found a panel with a swipecard slot.

After all this time I still carried the card that I’d taken off the original tech, and so I let myself out.

I remember that it was blindingly bright; I cowered against the light all day until night finally came.

I remember that the facility was on an island; there was civilisation there on that planet, but the entrance to the facility was well hidden so that the occasional picnicking couple that took the effort to come to the island wouldn’t find it easily.

The water was cold and strange to the touch, but there were lights on the other side.

I spent all night crossing that lake walking along the bottom; in beast mode it would have taken 5 minutes, but I didn’t have it yet.

Finally I reached the other side just as day broke.

I remember staring at the sunrise in uncomprehending awe as the colours constantly shifted and changed.

Suddenly I felt a tug on my giant hand that was resting by my side.

I looked down; there was a small mech there, barely even tall enough to reach my knee.

She was standing on a box that she’d dragged there just to reach my hand; I realised later that she must’ve been trying to get my attention for a while.

This was the first bot that I’d seen in many years, but this one was different from the others.

I don’t know whether it was some sort of strange paternal instinct or what it was, but I felt no compulsion to hurt this child.

I remember her speaking to me; I’d never been addressed before and so I didn’t know how to respond.

Finally the child simply gave up and grabbed my hand, leading me to a play area.

She was overjoyed; I remember she treated me like an organic pet; pushing and pulling me wherever she wanted.

We played many games; all hers of course, I just did what I was pointed to do.

Strangely, I enjoyed it; it was the first time I’d ever interacted with another bot and not felt pain.

For the first time I began to realise that maybe there was more to life than just pain.

Unfortunately it was short lived; the mech's parents soon woke and found us.

All I remember is the mechs ‘mother’ dragging the crying kid away while she struggled to get back to her playmate as her father angrily chased me away by hitting me with a large stick.

The blows from the stick weren’t hard enough to cause any pain; I barely even noticed it.

However, there was another pain there; one that was inside as I watched the only friend that I’d ever know be dragged inside the house.

Finally I just left; the father went back to the house and I walked on toward where I’d seen the lights the night before.

These people didn’t know me, yet they ran away in fear even though I’d never done anything to provoke them.

Much later while I was aboard the Darkside I found a book written by a human named Mary Shelley about a gentle monster made by humans, yet shunned because he was different. In the end he was hunted by his creator and in turn he hunted him, both to their deaths

Depth charge wasn’t my creator, but I took the book and kept it as one of my few possessions; it was oddly comforting to know that some human centuries before had recognised my plight almost to the letter.

I guess that even at that late stage that I still held a shred of decency, but as usual I’m getting way ahead of myself.

I tried interacting with these people in a friendly manner, yet all they did was run screaming or throw things at me until I ran away.

So I tried the approach that I’d always known, and the people responded in kind.

For some reason I could sense their fear; I could see it, smell it, even ‘feel’ it, I guess I must have had some empathic attunity.

I could feel their fear, but also their sorrow.

It seemed strange at first; bots that I hadn’t even touched yet gave off a great sense of sadness that affected me slightly, making ‘me’ feel sad.

Finally, after all these years, it began to dawn on me that maybe causing others pain was a bad thing.

I realised this and stopped immediately, but the others saw it as an opportunity to press the attack.

I killed them in self-defense, but I realised that even though it was wrong to kill, the fact that I’d stopped didn’t mean that others would.

It was as if a puzzle had just fallen into place; everything made sense now.

I also realised that no matter how I led my life, I would be hunted and shunned.

So, I made a conscious decision that cost me my innocence and sealed my fate.

If others would cause me pain wherever I went, then I would repay the favour.

Like I said, I wasn’t stupid; I knew that this decision would have consequences, and I accepted them; I saw that I would be hunted for eternity, but the truth was that I probably would be anyway.

And so I began my rampage, I tore through the colony, decimating it within hours.

At first I used my hands, but I quickly saw the benefits of ranged weapons and although it took a while, I finally taught myself how to use them.

Whilst these bots had nothing do to with my imprisonment, I took an odd satisfaction in taking out my anger and frustration of being an experiment out on these civilians.

Finally there was no one left to kill.

I went back to the place where I’d come ashore, but the family had fled; I guess they were rich enough to have their own transport.

I don’t know what I would have done if they were still there; I wouldn’t have hurt my friend, but even killing her parents would have made her sad and hate me, so I probably wouldn’t have touched them either.

I probably just wanted them to see me at my full potential; the father wouldn’t have beaten with a stick if he knew what I was.

And what I was was immortal.

After Omicron, I found a pre-programmed star-hopper and went wherever it took me; first Rugby, then Theta, and finally to several other fringe colonies.

Throughout this little venture, I learned an awful lot; I still killed in a futile attempt to satiate my hatred of those who created me.

If you want to blame anyone for what I did, blame them.

However, my forays weren’t entirely bloodlust, I downloaded and stored any computer terminal that I came across in a thirst for knowledge that rivalled my killing urge.

But one thing that I realised was that being immortal meant more than that I couldn’t die, I began to realise that it also meant that I ‘wouldn’t’ die.

One of the things that I realised when I began was that one day I would be stopped, but I knew that if I couldn’t be killed that I’d be imprisoned for eternity.

From the surface this was a good thing; no cell could hold me; the materials would eventually decay and I’d break free, and who knew what would happen in that time?? They might have even decided to pardon me.

But deep down I wanted the one thing that I couldn’t have; immortality had its advantages, particularly in that I could regenerate any damage, but the one thing that I wanted was to die.

Not right away; I was having too much fun, but even though I’d perfected my torture techniques to the point where the bot would take months to die, radiating fear and pain all the while, even that was beginning to dull.

I knew that the day would come when the deaths would roll into each other; killing a thousand bots would seem like a chore.

When that happened would be the time that I wanted it to end; my only skill in life would have no meaning.

However, life still had a few more surprises left in her bag for me, one of which was Depth Charge.

It turned out that he was a close friend of the father of my friend; he was off-world at the time of my adventure, but I’d damaged his mind enough.

I never understood psychology, but somehow seeing all that I’d done, and knowing that he hadn’t been there to help them drove this bot nuts.

Not that he would have done any good if he’d been there; I would have and could have killed him any time that I liked.

I guess that knowing that he ‘wasn’t’ there to die was worse than actually being there to die.

Anyway, the way that he mercilessly hunted me for his own failures intrigued me; I would have had no trouble disposing of him at that stage, but in a way, he became a sort of friend.

And this one had no parents any more.

In time I learned to respect Depth Charge; he was resourceful and cunning.

About this time I found a document that theorised that any bot could be killed with energon through the spark; I was determined to try it out, but I wanted to wait until the time was right, just in case it worked.

That doesn’t make much sense; I could have waited until I was ready to die just to find out that it didn’t work, or I could have experimented when I wasn’t ready and been successful.

Either way, I was nearing the stage where I was prepared to die, but although there were still plenty of bots out there that wanted my head, I wouldn’t let any of them near me.

The truth is that it all came down to pride; I was too proud to let myself be killed by some nobody.

There was only one mech that I respected enough to let try it.

Despite all that we’d gone through, if it’d failed, I would have definitely killed him on the spot.

Anyway, I decided to devise a plan to let him catch me; it had to be played on my terms, and it had to look like he’d caught me himself without me looking like I’d slipped up.

He did capture me, but even though I had everything set out nicely, he was too blind to realise the subtler parts of my plan; instead of killing me I was incarcerated.

I remember his face at the trial; I was sure that they were going to schedule my death, and it would be some snotty-nosed mech like the numerous ones I’d crushed underfoot, rather than my nemesis.

It got so close to the point where I was closing my hand around the grip of a pistol I’d had hidden; if they weren’t going to let DC kill me, then I would have killed all of them until only he was left.

In the event, the decision was made to put me in stasis and dump me for eternity on a barren world with no way of escaping.

Someone obviously was more sadistic than I ever was; what worse punishment for an immortal than to grant them life?

I don’t know what happened after that; the next thing I knew my pod was open on a strange energon-enriched world covered in organic life.

Including several techno-organics.

A lot of people think that had Megatron not sliced my spark that I would have slaughtered everyone there; the truth was that I was sick of killing by this stage; I had ample opportunity with Tarantulas, but I left him alive, didn’t I?

Megatron changed all that; I’d never felt so violated, but he removed the core of my spark as a way of controlling me.

Although my killing days were over, I was more than prepared to make an exception.

Megatron used me as a weapon, nothing more; I was just a way of bringing big guns to the fight without one of the others having to drag heavy artillery pieces.

I never questioned why I was put in the pod with my weapons, but thanks to the transmetal wavefront, I no longer had to carry them on my back; they were now a part of me.

Anyway, I thought that this was the end; my life couldn’t have gotten any different.

But then something wonderful happened.

Her name was Transmutate; just like me she was different in a world that shunned anyone that didn’t conform.

Only I could sense that she had a tormented spark that matched my own.

But it wasn’t to be; Megatron wanted her dead, Primal wanted her imprisoned for eternity like I was.

Silverbolt wanted her for himself.

I hate that fool more than anyone; I always remained impartial to my victims, but his blind insistence stained my hands with the mech of the only other bot I’ve called a friend.

Transmutate and the bot I met on that beach all those years ago weren’t that different; both were weak and needed a guardian, a job that I could have easily fulfilled. It would have given my life a new reason.

Anyway, I didn’t have much time to mourn.

I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that Depth Charge would track me down, but what impressed me was that he began his hunt only moments after I was put in the hold of the Axalon.

And so my life took it’s final twist; Depth Charge had every opportunity to destroy me, and I him, but I felt like toying with him for a little while longer.

Finally my years of wanting came to a head; the fight was made to look like it was his idea, but I knew perfectly well that there was a bed of energon just at that spot on the sea floor…

I didn’t resist; I let him end my suffering whilst still retaining my dignity.

As I expected, the explosion killed him outright and destroyed me.

But I was being ignorant; all I wanted was to die and end my curse, and I let that blind me.

I was kidding myself; immortality is truly forever.

I guess that after all that fate had granted me, I had a large debt to repay.

I truly will exist forever, all that I can do is reflect on my past.

Depth Charge, you of all people know that I’m not one to give gratitude, but know that I respected you, and I’m glad that you tried to help end my suffering.

Despite all that happened, I have no regrets; if I had the opportunity over again, I’d have done everything exactly the same.

And now leave me be. I asked you not to pity me, it is for me alone to share my fate.