Beast Wars Anonymous:

Beast Wars and all related belong to Hasbro. The story, its original contents and ideas, and any original characters belong to the author and cannot be used or reprinted without the author's permission.

Author's Note: This was a story I wrote for fun. This is my first complete Beast Wars fanfic, so any comments, flames, and questions are welcome. I draw the line at drive-by shootings, however.

Trapped
by Jennifer Parsons (robertmaryparsons@gci.net)

"Sentinel stand down."

The Maximals had returned from their raid on the Predacon Base. Optimus sighed as the argument in the back continued.

"Well if SOMEbody could hit a target at two feet-"

"Are you sayin' I missed?"

"No. It simply matters if you consider shooting the one guarding your back's foot and completely missing the Predacon two inches in front of your nose 'missing'."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I was aiming at your head, not at your foot."

"Treacherous rodent!"

"Roadkill breath!"

"Carrion-eating omnivore!"

"I know you are but what am I?"

Optimus sighed and looked over at Rhinox. Rhinox gave him an 'I understand' look and turned away. Optimus didn’t see the thoughtful look on his friend’s face.

Two days later.

Rhinox chuckled a bit evilly as he explained the capabilities of his new device to Optimus.

"And an artificial intelligence program, and a communications device, and---"

"This seems familiar," said Optimus. "Did you get it from Scorponok’s cyber-bee design?"

"Yep. But there were only enough spare parts around to make this one."

"I wonder how Scorponok managed it?" Optimus mused.

"I dunno. But I have a greaaat idea for a first test." Rhinox whispered his idea in Optimus’ ear.

"Did you install the dodging software?" asked Optimus immediately.

The control center.

"Come back, and let me introduce you to my ‘choppers’!"

"How ‘bout you just eat... er I mean meet my tail, slowpoke!"

"Yesss... *Snarl* It probably would be excellent with those legs on the side, and a generous sprinkling of energon..."

"Dream on!"

"Okay, stop it!"

"Make me, Lizard Lips!"

"Ahem." coughed Optimus. Rhinox, standing behind him chuckled, perhaps a trifle evilly. Cheetor was watching the show boredly, but cracked a smile.

"Oops." said Rattrap. "Sorry, Big Banana. I was tryin’ to get some sense into Tenderfoot over there, then he starts chasing me..."

Optimus surveyed his troops. They were both breathing heavily and weren’t in the least repentant. He stifled the urge to chuckle evilly.

"It has been noted that there appears to be a conflict between the two of you."

"Whatever led you to that conclusion?" asked Dinobot innocently. "Other than the facts that---" He was cut off.

"Never!" Rattrap breathed in a mortified voice. "Except-"

"Because you have been disturbing the peace and harmony on this ship, I have a veeery special assignment for you two."

Optimus observed their reactions changing to confusion.

"The Predacons were hit pretty bad by our raid on their base. You shouldn’t be needed for a few days..."

Dinobot’s optics widened, then narrowed in suspicion.

"It’s probably a Predacon ploy..." He started. Rattrap, also catching on, chimed in.

"By Megatron..."

"To catch us off guard..."

"And eliminate the base..."

"Winning the Beast Wars and taking over the planet and building a galactic empire where the Maximals will be slaves to the Predacons and---"

"Enough!" Optimus interrupted. "Now would be a good time to do that long patrol around Predacon territory."

Dinobot and Rattrap exchanged sorry glances. Rattrap changed expressions like a born actor into his cute rat expression, which had absolutely no success with Optimus’ decision. Optimus got ready for the kill.

"And when you get back... You’re both going to write ten nice things about each other."

THUMP.

That was when Cheetor rolled on the floor in a spasm of laughter.

"HAhahaha-heeheeheeheeheeheeha*gasp*heeheesnickerlaughHAHaHaha-" (You get the idea.) Dinobot and Rattrap glared at him, then Optimus delivered the coup de grace.

"Also, to promote a cooperative environment, there will be no insults, name-calling, or other arguing, or I will know."

Rhinox pushed a button and the bug whirred in.

"You’vve been vverry baaad!" The bug-like drone clicked a claw back and forth.

"You wouldn’t..." gasped Rattrap. Optimus smiled not-very-nicely. (These are the Maximals, after all! They don’t smile evilly!) Dinobot’s jaw had dropped slightly in horror. He swallowed once.

"Surely, Optimus, there could be a worse punishment... Gradual meltdown of appendages hurts a great deal..."

"Yeah! Take my arm! We’ll never fight again! Really!" Rattrap begged. Optimus felt an evil smile spread on his face. (so I lied.)

"We’re all Maximals here, Dinobot." He said.

"Yeah! And one ex-Predacon." added Rattrap. Optimus pointed to the door.

"But-" began Dinobot.

"Out you go." Rhinox replied. There was a stunned silence by the two, then Rattrap mumbled,

"GrumblegrumblegrumbleOptimusgrumblegrumbleDinobotgrumblegrumblestupid."

The duo exited. The only sound was the humming of the machines and Cheetor’s hysterical laughter.

"HeeheehaHaHaheehee!" said Rhinox in Tarantulus’ classic form.

"Stop it, you’re scaring me." said Optimus.

"HeeHAHAHA*gasp*Haheeheehahahahee-"said Cheetor.

"This is all your fault, Vermin!" shouted Dinobot as he stomped along.

"Was that a mean name I heard?" sang the drone as it buzzed next to his ear. Dinobot snarled and swatted at it, but it was already out of the way.

"Ha ha ha! Be nice, Chopperface, or it’ll tell Optimus!" chuckled Rattrap. Dinobot caught on.

"I find your remark derogative and insulting in the extreme." Dinobot snarled back. "He just insinuated that my teeth are big!" The buzzing drone considered.

"Um, actually...We’ll see." The drone pulled out a pad of paper and a pencil and wrote down ‘Vermin’ and ‘Chopperface’. "But in the meantime, I’ll have no more name calling. Now shake hands and make up." Dinobot grinned evilly as he held his talons out.

"No offense, valuable economic link in the food chain." He said sweetly.

"Apology accepted, um...Dinobot." said Rattrap, caught off guard. Tonight the drone dies! Thought Dinobot and Rattrap. I’m hungry, thought Dinobot. I shall have my revenge, thought Rattrap. I can see my conflict mediation circuits are going to be strained, thought the drone.

"You may go behind me Rattrap." said Dinobot. "It will save my nasal circuits work."

"He just said I stank!" barked Rattrap, pointing as Dinobot.

"Not at all. I just said that having you go last would mean that I would have to do less work smelling for the enemy." said Dinobot, tapping his claws together innocently. Prepare to die! Thought Rattrap.

"All right, enough!" said the drone in Rhinox’s voice.

"Huh?" They both said, turning around in surprise. "I know more impressions too." said the drone.

~two hours later~

"Dinobot! Maximize!!" Screamed Dinobot as the drone did his impressions for the third time. The thing might be irreplaceable, but Dinobot didn’t care. He was ridding the world of an evil more annoying than Rattrap, possibly. Dinobot snatched his sword out and swiped at the drone while filling the air with eye blasts.

"DIE!" he screamed. Rattrap ducked behind a rock and Dinobot could see him Maximizing too. The drone dodged among the boulders in the field and headed toward the jungle. "Aiiiieeeaaahhh!" Dinobot shouted as he chased it. In a few minutes though, the energon took hold and he was forced to return to beast mode or be put into stasis lock. Out of the canopy above the drone popped down.

"That wasn’t very nice. Optimus will hear of this." Dinobot snarled and jumped up to try to disembowel the drone’s internal processors, but it was too high. "Oh well. It’s getting dark out, I think we should all stop and rest." said the drone cheerfully. Rattrap appeared out of the jungle and yawned.

"Yeah." he said. "I’m tired. But I think I’ll get some food first." Rattrap said. He pulled a fruit out from behind his back and bit his incisors into it. He deliberately crunched down loudly and swallowed. Dinobot’s eyes followed the meal down, then he hissed and turned, fading into the darkness. "Heh, heh, heh!" chuckled Rattrap diabolically as he watched a passing insect go by. "Rattrap! Maximize!" He took out a bottle marked ‘Bug Dope’ and sprinkled half of it on himself. "Whew!" he said. "This stuff smells!" He dumped the rest around his nest under a bush and pulled out a bottle marked ‘Revenge’ he had been wanting to try for a long time. he poured it into the bug dope bottle and set it in the middle of the tiny clearing. The jungle had begun to cool. Rattrap smiled to himself and curled up in his nest.

Dinobot returned a few hours later from his unsuccessful hunt and began trotting back to the site where he had left Rattrap and the Accursed Drone. His instincts were telling him he should sleep, hunger not sated and tired, and he could already feel his lids closing.

He reached the clearing fifteen minutes later, and noticed a small orange bottle sitting there. Is said 'Bug Dope' on it. He looked over at Rattrap. Perhaps I will leave the vermin alone tomorrow, he thought as he read the directions.

"Hynrr. Keeps away insects, particularly mosquitoes, apply thin layer, keep away from eyes and mouth, if ingested, yeah, yeah, yeah." Dinobot read. He applied the faintly green fluid over his beast form and curled up under a tree for the night, wondering if the rest of the trip would be this boring.

~morning~

Rattrap yawned and stretched, and immediately peeked out to see his traveling companion fast asleep, but covered with small insects. Rattrap resisted the urge to break out laughing and tiptoed over. He's sort of cute like that, Rattrap thought as he looked down. Maybe I won't pull any jokes on him today.

"So you're up!" said the annoying voice from above. "Wake him up and let's get moving." Rattrap glanced up at the drone.

"I have a better idea, Buzz-Boy. How 'bout you wake him up."

"'Kay." said the drone. It apparently took a deep breath... "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"YAAGH!" yelled Dinobot as he leapt up, a cloud of insects rising like smoke above him. He had a look of utter shock on his face "MAXIMIZE!" In less than a second he changed from a sleeping dinosaur robot to a former Predacon warrior. Looked around furiously. Looked at Rattrap. Rattrap, who had hit the deck as soon as the drone had 'awakened' the rest of the party, felt himself being raised by the scruff of the neck up, up, up, up, till his furry nose was at eyelevel with the enraged ex-Pred's glare.

"Gr-gr-gr-grrrrrrrr!" growled Dinobot, his eyes lighting up in preparation to fire.

"It wasn't me! It was him!" yelped Rattrap, one of his fingers pointing desperately at the drone hovering above.

"Hsssss!!" said Dinobot. The fur on Rattrap's head was singed as the beam flashed over his head and hit the drone directly in the center.

"AAIEEEEEeeeee---" it screamed as it spiraled out of control into the distance. The last remaining members sighed in bliss. Dinobot dropped Rattrap on the ground.

"Beast mode." he said.

"Now what are we gonna tell Optimus?" Rattrap wondered aloud.

"That it met an honorable death." Dinobot smirked. Then his eyes opened wide.

"Mpmph!" Rattrap tried to keep from laughing hysterically. Dinobot's eyes narrowed, as he scraped his snout with a talon.

"Uh... What's the matter, Chopperface?" Rattrap asked innocuously.

"Grrr! I itch!" said Dinobot. Rattrap went through the P.J.N.L.R. (Practical Joker's No-Laugh Remedy).

"Hee-" said Rattrap. Dinobot snarled viciously and lunged at him. Rattrap dodged out of the way of the slavering jaws. Rattrap, knowing there was no use arguing or reasoning with a revenge crazed velociraptor about to devour him and itch his mosquito bites with Rattrap's bones, ran for his life.

~two hours later~

Dinobot stopped and sniffed the air, listening over his own heavy panting for similar gasping noises. The bites on his head flared up and he scratched his eye ridges furiously on a palm tree. Sniff-sniff. There it was! He pushed his nose to the ground and followed the scent of that-well, he had no words for the vermin to describe adequately how he felt about this recent---he had no words for that either. The vermin would DIE! That was enough for him.

He had just jumped into a clump of ferns, when he heard a crack. Instantly he whipped around and leapt for the source. The bushes to his right rustled, and Rattrap burst out of hiding, maximized, and punched him right in the snout. PAIN!!! His vision washed the color of mech-fluid.

"RAAAAAA!" he screamed agonized as he clamped his jaws around Rattrap's head. His feet clawed furiously at Rattrap's armor, and his tail lashed heavily to and fro, knocking them both over.

"Stupid Dino! Ugh!" yelled Rattrap, who was engaged in a pleasant chat with Dinobot's tonsils. He proceeded to punch blindly at Dinobot's head as the fangs ground around his face. They seemed to have no effect on the crazed raptor-bot with his head as a chew toy. "Mmpha-gmpha!" Rattrap reasoned, then brought back his fist till his servos screamed, and POW, Dinobot went out like a battery. Rattrap could feel the blow through his circuits. The disemboweling talons ceased digging furrows into his armor and relaxed, and Rattrap dragged himself to a sitting position and attempted to pry the jaws of death off his head. No luck.

"Stasis Lock imminent."

"Wha?!?! Dinobot?!" Oh wait. That's just my computer, thought Rattrap, relieved that Dinobot's stomach did not have a personality. Raptor drool dripped down his neck. Okay, he thought. Can't transform with him around my head. He felt blindly for an object and presently, his hand closed on something. Holding it ready, he shoved it in, even as he chanted,

"BEAST MODE!" Dinobot's closing death lock of teeth snapped shut till the object blocked him. Chomp, crunch, crackle. The white fangs bit halfway through the log, then stopped. Rattrap sighed in relief and went off to find some very, very, strong vines.

Dinobot woke up with a splitting headache and an intolerable itch all over his synthetic skin.

"Nrgrr-r-rr grgrnr---" He began, but found his mouth was tied tightly with some sort of strong vine. He struggled to free himself, but he was tied to a tree. The vermin was standing in front of him, out of range to head-butt or hit with his tail-tip.

"I'll let you go," said the vermin, "but first give me your word of honor you won't kill me if I set you free." Dinobot stopped to breath in, then continued thrashing, which wasn't much more than lashing his tail-tip and wriggling his bottom toes.

"Dumb stubborn lizard." he heard the rodent mutter under his breath. Rattrap turned and sat down in the shade of a tree. It was a sunny, peaceful day. A few insects settled on Dinobot's nose and began extracting the 'blood' that fed his synthetic skin. A few hours later the mood changed. The wind picked up and started blowing and whistling through the waving trees. Abruptly, the wind which had been blowing southeast for most of the day switched directions. A familiar odor assailed the beast-moded duo's nostrils. Rattrap sprang up from his sitting position and transformed. Dinobot's long middle talon, the one he kept retracted in its protective sheath slid out of its casing and twitched. A whirring like propeller blades could be heard coming nearer. Rattrap weighed the risks then decided that a certain death by Predacons would be better than a chance of severe injury to death from Dinobot. Still...

"If I let you loose, will you not kill me till the battle is over with?" Dinobot bobbed his raptor head up and down. Rattrap was about to untie the other's mouth, then asked cautiously, "Your word of honor on that, right?" Dinobot nodded impatiently and a puff of air escaped his teeth as Rattrap loosened the rather deluxe loop.

"DINOBOT! MAXIMIZE! *Snarl!*"

Inferno and Terrorsaur flew over the jungle terrain, on their patrol. Inferno wanted more than anything else to scrap the treacherous drone for the glory of the royalty. But the royalty, for reasons which were not his to question, had instead forced him to work with this traitor, to build, 'Team Spirit'?

"Ha! Team spirit indeed!" Terrorsaur muttered to himself. He would have preferred to be partnered with Waspinator, ANYTHING but a mindless drone with no ambition, a sickening pathetic foot kisser, a mindless lackey, a shameless suck up. He ran out of names for the bootlicking ant Megatron had paired him with. "'You have to work together if we are going to defeat the Maximals.'" He mimed mockingly. "'Yeees.'" So what if I didn't show up when Megatron had called us defend the base. So what if I was too busy fighting with Scorponok. So what if we both spent a megacycle in the C.R. tank. He grumbled. And why did they have to do this... This stupid long patrol? Incompetent leadership, that's what! When he was leader...

"Drone!" Inferno yelled at him.

"What?!" yelled Terrorsaur back, a little sore at being interrupted. Inferno motioned down. Terrorsaur homed in, and through the dense green canopy, he could discern a larger than average rat, and a Velociraptor. They were both maximized.

Seconds later, they fired at him.

"Buuuuuuuuurn!" Screamed Inferno. "FOOD FOR THE COLONY!"

"Somehow I knew he was going to say that. Terrorsaur, Terrorize!" Inferno's flamethrower spread fire through the tropical forest below. The wind didn't help the situation any, either. A robust blaze had soon erupted. For Inferno, a feeling of joy spread. For Terrorsaur, a feeling of dawning comprehension spread. He gave Inferno an odd look. Inferno didn't seem to realize that several critical relay systems in the forest would be reduced to molten slag when the fire spreading in the canopies reached them. The air around him grew hotter, and not just from the eye-beams and gunfire exploding past his jets.

"You FOOL!!!!" He screeched at Inferno. "The fire is spreading! The relays!" Inferno looked up from the flames and his optics grew wide.

"Oh no! The royalty's relay towers!"

"And what if there's energon in that jungle?!?" Terrorsaur screamed, as he flew as fast as his wings could propel him back towards base. It might not be too late to contain the fire and save a few of the relays; and he wanted to...

"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" A flicker of blue energon had caught his eye. "Run for your life! Every bot for himself!!!"

He activated his emergency boosters for extra speed and rocketed away. To his shock, he noticed Inferno passing him on his right. Inferno looked surprised too as Terrorsaur passed him again, going even faster. They were out of sight in seconds.

On the ground the fire licked at the heels of the larger than normal rat and the tail of the Velociraptor. A flicker of Energon caught Rattrap's eye. His thoughts in the next three seconds went something like this: We'reallgonnadiewe'reall

gonnadiewe'reallgonnadie. (Luckily, that bit was all crammed into the first second, so he had time to react!) The fire would reach the energon any second... He could see Terrorsaur and Inferno fleeing the imminent inferno... There was a gully with a few rocks around the edge a couple of meters to the left...

"Rattrap, MAXIMIZE!" He maximized, (well duh!) and grabbed Dinobot by the scruff of the back. Rattrap jerked them both over to the left, dumping them both ignonimously into the ditch. The explosion that followed a few seconds later was anything but. Far away by now, Terrorsaur and Inferno were both knocked back by it slightly. Terrorsaur whistled in awe at the fireball.

Dinobot and Rattrap slowly came to as they lay flat on their backs down in the tiny trickle of water flowing from the cranny betwixt the rocks, which were mostly powder.

"Beast mode." said Rattrap softly. He switched painfully back to a rat and sat up. Dinobot next to him lifted his own dripping head off the ground.

"At least, we can still see." he snarled at Rattrap. This was optimism for him. Dinobot lifted himself up on a rock and stood. Rattrap also rolled over onto his feet, shook some muddy droplets off his fur. A tiny glowing spark dropped onto the ground in front of him. He noticed the ground turning orange colored and the temperature going up. A strange shadow fell over him. He looked up as the tree dropped. Owch. He thought. Then-Whack!-something hit him-he flew through the hot air and hit the opposite end of the gully; his head cracked the wall and Rattrap's world went out.

Minutes had gone by, according to his internal chronometer, and he was surprised to see the ground flashing by a few feet down. His grace period ended as the rest of his senses returned. The heat was terrible and the noise of things crackling and bursting into flame surrounded him. Smoke burned his rat nostrils and a spray of sparks flashed in front of him. He was jerked to the side and flew higher as a burning tree hit where he had been seconds ago. Rattrap looked up to see Dinobot carrying him in his fore talons, the grim expression on his face offset by his painfully squinted eyes and his mouth, gasping quickly and frantically for breath like a fish dropped in a desert.

Dinobot was too preoccupied to notice Rattrap had woken, so Rattrap struggled to go. Dinobot glanced down but didn't put him down. Trees flamed around them as they burst through some brush. A huge blue wall loomed in front of him. It foamed and bubbled and Rattrap realized it was a wall of fire suppressant. Dinobot headed toward it without decreasing his top speed; they hurdled through the foamy mass. Blackarachnia, who was on the other side, spraying down her section, saw nothing but a blue and brown blur flying past, leaving a trail of dripping blue suppressant behind.

The wall of fire suppressant retreated behind them and the cool jungle enveloped the duo. Dinobot let Rattrap down and collapsed on the ground, tongue lolling out and sides heaving frantically. Rattrap was breathing heavily himself, and wiped some of the blue foam off his fur.

Rhinox had finished gathering together the parts of his beloved drone. He examined them critically, finally judging it beyond repair and leaving the pieces. Cheetor was lounging under a tree.

"Well what did you expect?" Cheetor commented indolently, yawning and stretching his spotted form. Rhinox grumbled and reverted back to his beast mode.

"I thought it would take them longer then this."

"You're underestimating them."

"Huh." said Rhinox sadly as he sniffed the burnt pile of parts. Sniff. Sniff sniff. Sniff sniff sniff-"Cheetor! I smell smoke!"

"That didn't take very long." said Cheetor, exactly as if he had predicted it would happen.

***@#KATHOOM!!#@***

The two transformers jerked to their feet. Rhinox and Cheetor could easily see the huge explosion that rocked the world.

"C'mon!" Cheetor yelled, running toward the fireball. Rhinox headed off at top speed toward the flaming zone he

could smell; thoughts consisting mainly of the solitary, 'I'm never even going to let them be in the same room again!'.

Cheetor arrived at the scene of mass destruction first. He passed through a barrier of blue foam that had evidently stopped the fire, probably suppressant. Though he had no idea why the Predacons would save the forest. Probably some project, thought Cheetor glumly as he walked through the forest, feeling sorry for the animals whose homes had been destroyed.

Ahead there was a clearing, but it wasn't natural. It looked like a huge explosion had taken place. And it had.

"Mee-Ow!" Cheetor stared. There was a ravine to the left. If they had survived, they would be there. Cheetor stepped out of the way of a burning log. The fire had been mostly stopped, by suppressant and time. It had taken Cheetor a few hours to arrive; he couldn't reach his top speed with all the trees in his path. At the ravine, Cheetor dropped down into the hot mud and to his delight noted the raptor prints leading out. But then his mood clouded. There were no footprints of Rattrap. Even a month ago, Cheetor might have panicked. But he had matured considerably in an enormously short amount of time. He moved to the epicenter of the clearing and awaited Rhinox.

Dinobot wanted to keep laying on the ground inhaling and exhaling beautiful fresh air, on cool vegetation, with his burning eyes closed tightly, but he was terribly thirsty too. Dinobot opened each eye a crack. It burned, but he forced them open.

"Er, you okay, Dinobot?" asked Rattrap. Apart from singed fur and some blue foam, he looked all right.

"Do I look alright?" rasped Dinobot hoarsely, coughing on smoke. He sat up slowly, avoiding the burns on his tail and feet, where the grass he had been running on had ignited and scorched his feet.

"What say we find some water?" suggested Rattrap.

"One of your few-sss!-excellent ideas, vermin." he hissed painfully as he got up onto his burned feet. He limped away, senses tuned to water.

"What do you mean, of 'few'?" Rattrap muttered as they left.

Dinobot and Rattrap couldn't smell the water through burnt nostrils, but they could hear it.

"That way," Rattrap insisted.

"That way," Dinobot replied. This had been going on for ten cycles; neither side was showing signs of giving in.

"That way!" Rattrap pointed.

"FINE," Dinobot snarled, "You go that way, and I'll go the right way." He turned and stalked/limped off the other direction. "Stupid Vermin!"

"Dumb Lizard!" Rattrap shot back as he walked off the other direction.

Dinobot got more and more worked up as the sound of water grew noisier. It wasn't just that water made handy coolant fluid; his raptor form's instincts craved it, and his synthetic skin demanded it. Closer! With a quick hop, he exited the brush and reached the small river. YES! He hummed a raptor song of pleasure as he sucked it down, pleasure and delight dominating his mind for a few seconds. Without hesitation, Dinobot jumped in and rolled over in the shallows near the shore.

"Ahhh..." He sighed happily, mind at peace for a few minutes as he rubbed his head in the sand. Finally he got up and shook the water off. I suppose I'll have to go find the rat-breath, he thought, pessimistic nature taking control again. He went that way didn't he? Or that way? The raptor looked right and left a few minutes, then went left.

Dinobot stumbled along, feeling strangely exhausted. His eyes closed momentarily, then he woke up again. Enough of this, he decided fuzzily. He jumped out of the creek bed and landed onto the sand on the beach, yawning widely and curling up into a tight ball that he felt comfortable in. Mu-u-u-ch better... He thought as numb sleep settled cozily over his lids.

Rattrap jumped into the water as soon as he saw it. It was only a small channel that wound around aimlessly, but it felt wonderfully food on his burned tail and hot fur. He crawled out again and viciously shook, the water rolling off like, well, water. Much better, he thought. He climbed up on the bank, and headed toward the right. We were both right, he thought.

A few cycles later, he came upon a sleeping Velociraptor in a sunlit patch in the sand. Hmmph! Thought Rattrap. He didn't even bother to walk the rest of the way! I walk all this way and you just lay there sleeping! He considered kicking the raptor momentarily, then noticed the burned feet the ex-Pred sported. Ouch! Rattrap winced. He bedded down in some ferns and tried to sleep, but found he was actually pretty hungry.

"I guess almost being exploded, roasted, eaten, and shot gets up your appetite." He muttered, and went off to find some food his rat form would find tolerable.

Dinobot woke up in the afternoon the next day. Rattrap was standing nearby chewing on some type of vegetation.

"Er, mornin', Chopperface." the rodent said.

"Hmph." he replied. For him, this was cheerful. "More like afternoon." Rattrap set aside the plant and crossed his tiny paws.

"Somebody's grouchy in the afternoon. Besides, I just got up a few hours ago myself. I was going to wake you up as soon as I got my food."

"Which you didn't." The rat shrugged.

"Hey, I walked about a mile out, and poof! Lost. But I got back."

"A tragedy." Dinobot snorted sarcastically. Sometimes he envied omnivorous creatures; they always had food to eat. But mostly he thought of them with the same typical contempt that Predacons have for Maximals. He rolled over and tested his sore feet. Not throbbing too much, he observed. He licked his chops once and stepped into the forest.

"If you're going hunting, I'm coming with." Rattrap stated, dropping into step . Dinobot

snarled at him. The last thing he needed was a noisy, bumbling rodent. He indicated as much to the rat, who stubbornly refused to believed he could find his way back through the dense jungle. Finally he just snarled and threw up his clawed hands.

"FINE! Just don't make any noise and do what I tell you to!"

"I'll be quiet as a rat." Rattrap whispered. Dinobot growled and stalked silently into the forest. Rattrap followed, trying to be as quiet as possible. About 30 cycles later, Dinobot motioned Rattrap to stop. They stood completely still for 5 more cycles. Rattrap had patience, but he wondered why anyone would like doing this. Walk, wait, walk, wait, he thought in silence. Oh well, it's better than worrying if he's gonna eat me or not. Dinobot moved closer.

"Go that way until you hit a clearing. When I signal, step out. But be quiet!" he hissed. Rattrap nodded and went off the direction Dinobot indicated. It could be miles before I hit a clearing, he thought, annoyed at himself for giving in. He shoved aside some ferns. Whoa! Looks like Dino-breath was right! Sure enough, there was a clearing directly in front of him. And grazing in it, were several four-legged brown animals grazing. That was about the time he realized why Dinobot had ordered him to wait on the clearing. He didn't have much time to think about it though, as three sharp barks rang out. The mammals jerked up and raced toward him. Rattrap stepped out. The animals panicked and turned around as a whole.

Right into Dinobot's waiting talons.

The raptor shrieked and leapt onto one, and slash, slash, slash-

"Okay, cut!" The scene froze, except for Dinobot and Rattrap.

"Hey!" snarled Dinobot. "Just who do you think you are?"

"Aliens?" wondered Rattrap.

"I'm the author." The disembodied voice replied. "And I'll have you know that some of our younger readers don't appreciate all this violence! Burning down the forest was bad enough, but there's no way I'm letting you give the gory details as you kill an innocent deer. I'm going to delete this whole section and replace it with, 'Dinobot killed a deer and ate it.'"

"Oh no you're not!" Dinobot snarled. "Rattrap, get ready!" Rattrap bounds over next to him and Dinobot maximizes and fires his eyebeams at the sky. Glass rains down, and Dinobot grabs Rattrap and heaves him up. A distant

"Oof!" is heard. Dinobot leaps upwards too. After finishing the deer... (We hear thumping and screams.) The disembodied voices started again.

"Tie her up good, Rattrap! Snarl!"

"You can't do this! Dad will be home any minute!"

"Good point. Rattrap, I can barely type with these hands. You stay here and type in us defeating the Predacons and winning the Beast Wars!"

"Got it!" Dinobot lands in front of the frozen scene again. All of a sudden, Inferno, Waspinator, Megatron, Scorponok, Blackarachnia, Terrorsaur, and Tarantulus came into view.

"Buuuurn!" screamed Inferno predictably.

"Die traitor!" yelled Megatron. All the Predacons attacked Dinobot. As they converged, he fired his eyebeams, taking out, predictably, Waspinator. Dinobot drew his sword and skewered Megaton.

"Oops, sorry. Typo." A disembodied voice said.

"Watch the spelling!" Dinobot screamed as he knocked out Blackarachnia. Inferno fired his flamethrower, lighting Dinobot up like a candle.

"I'm going to KILL you AND EAT YOU, VERMIN!" Dinobot snarled as Tarantulus and Scorponok started pounding him.

"Hey, I'm trying to introduce some realism! In all the good fanfics, someone gets hurt! But fine, have it your way!"

There was a crash of thunder and dark clouds started dripping rain. Lightning flashed down out of the clouds and fried the Predacons to a crisp. From nowhere, a voice said:

"Jennifer! What are you doing?!?"

"Dad!"

"Uh, oh."

FILE

SAVE (We hear thumping and crashing.)

OPEN: OUTLOOK EXPRESS

SEND

We hear a scream of anguish and Rattrap lands next to Dinobot.

"Whew!" Rattrap says. "Quick! In a few minutes she'll be getting us!" Dinobot and Rattrap both run quickly away, and burst out of the jungle, right near the Axalon.

"You get the others! I'll head over to the Predacon base!" Rattrap yells. Dinobot snarls.

"That's my line!" He says indignantly.

"Sorry, I'm still in author mode." Rattrap apologizes.

"Too Late!" Dinobot screamed. A huge lightning bolt struck the ground in front of them, momentarily blinding the two transformers. They skidded to a halt.

"Nice try!" a disembodied voice boomed. "But I can't let you destroy the continuum."

Lightning struck them both, not frying them to a crisp, but raising all of Rattrap's hair and popping Dinobot's eyes out. The Predacons were transported as the result of an odd energon surge to their C.R. chamber.

Optimus Primal, hearing the twin screams of shock outside, stepped out to investigate. He hated to admit it to himself, but he had gotten used to the constant bickering between the two. But it still annoyed him just as much. (Please! Even this story doesn't have THAT predictable lines!) He surveyed the area. Hmm... Trees... Rocks... Waterfall... Dinobot and Rattrap remains... He stepped over to them.

"Optimus... We're... Back..." the smaller black pile said.

"Is that you, Rattrap?" Optimus asked it curiously.

"...Yes..."

"...A...C.R. Chamber... Might be nice..." The larger pile said. Optimus went back into the Axalon and got a recycling bin which he scootched the piles into for easy carry.

"What happened to you?"

"...Chased after...Nearly eaten...Shot at...Annoyed...Burnt...Lost...Nearly died of thirst...Nearly exploded...Shocked..."

"Starved...Shot at...Scorched...Nearly exploded...Nearly died of thirst...Annoyed...Drained of blood...Shocked..." Optimus, by looking at the pitiful black heaps of transformers in the bucket, could smell they were telling the truth. Cheetor walked in.

"Hiya, Big-Bot. Got some trash you're taking out? Why are ya putting it in the C.R. chamber? Huh?"

"I...Am...Not..Trash!"

"No, you live in it."

"Shut up." Optimus rattled the box.

"OW!" They both cried in unison.

"Hey, that's Rattrap and Dinobot, Huh?" Cheetor exclaimed, peeking in. "What happened to you guys?"

"Oh, nothing much." said Optimus.

"Yeah, BESIDES-" one of them started, but never finished, because he shook the box again.

"Hey, it wasn't me! No need to shake both of us!"

"Shut up." Optimus repeated, punctuating it with a good shaking. Silence prevailed once more. He dumped Rattrap and Dinobot into the C.R. chamber.

"I wonder what all this is about?" wondered Tigatron as he and Airazor stood under the enormous thunder cloud that was sweeping by overhead.

"Aliens?" She suggested. Bolts of lightning, attracted to their metal forms, flew down and shocked them.

"I...guess...there are...some things...no bot...was meant to know..." Tigatron gasped. "Let's get...To the...Axalon's...C.R. Chamber..." Airazor said weakly. They started crawling toward the base.

Dinobot stepped out of the C.R. chamber. The first thing he did was look around for Optimus so he could strangle the life out of him. But then his more calm raptor mind took over and kept him from trying to hunt down and kill the Maximal leader. As he got his urge to kill under control, he noticed a yellow sticky tab on his nose. He peeled it off.

Dinobot: I'm out on patrol right now. But I still want your list of 10 nice things about Rattrap.

Sincerely, Optimus Primal.

Dinobot snarled.

"Blast! He didn't forget!" He considered for awhile. "Leave the Maximals? Write list? Leave the Maximals? Write list?" Finally he got out a sheet of paper and after doodling for awhile, mostly drawings of dead or dying Optimus Primals, he started to write.

1. Absolutely nothing.

He considered more, and after more careful thought and deliberation, wrote down,

2. Would make good snack if going got tough.

"Ha, this isn't so bad." He chuckled.

3. Good conductor.

4. Has nice throwing weight.

5. Good at herding deer.

"So, by saying that, I'll just say he make a good distraction too. Nobody'll know the difference!"

6. Good distraction.

"Hmmm..." Dinobot was running out of ideas.

7. Good typer.

8. Effective tier-upper.

"EUREKA!"

9. Hates drones.

10. Hates long patrols.

"That's ten, I'm done! YES!" Dinobot gloated. He had managed to get through the list without writing a single thing that would imply that he liked Rattrap in any way. "But I wonder... The vermin will surely get away from any punishment that Optimus uses... I'll have to take matters into my own claws." He pressed some buttons on the computer and sat down.

Four hours later.

"Hey, Optimus!" Cheetor yelled. "Something's wrong! I keep on itching!"

"Me too!" whined Rattrap.

"And I!" moaned Rhinox.

"Calm down, everyone." Optimus said. "I feel it too. Rhinox, will you run a scan on us?"

"Sure. Just hold on a second."

When Rhinox finished the scan, his face looked grave.

"There's some kind of blood-draining parasite on us. It must have jumped onto one of us while we were on patrol and infected the rest of us." Everyone looked at Rattrap.

"Hey, it wasn't me! I'd like to see an insect live through that!"

"Is there a cure?" Optimus asked anxiously.

"Yeah. But it'll take me time to manufacture."

"If we could infest the Predacons with this..." Dinobot trailed off as everyone looked at him with total disgust.

"Same ol' Chopperface." Rattrap said. Dinobot merely looked down at him and strolled out of the control room. When he reached his quarters, only then did he allow a small smile of satisfaction to appear. They had never even guessed where the 'fleas' had come from.

Later that day

Tigratron and Airazor dragged themselves in and got into the C.R. Chamber, after giving Optimus a brief account of their misadventure.

"Hmm." said Cheetor in a thoughtful tone. This was so rare as to merit attention, so Optimus turned around.

"What is it, Cheetor?"

"I was just wondering why they never got those little bugs when they spend all that time outside but we did?"

"I guess there are some things no bot was meant to know." Optimus said.

The Predacon Base

Megatron was busy berating his cringing warriors.

"-bad enough that you let them get away, but relay #34 was completely destroyed! What do you have to say for yourselves?!?"

"It was all HIS fault!" Terrorsaur explained, pointing at Inferno. Inferno didn't say a word. He just kept staring off into space. (He was to remain like this for the next three days.)The last thing he said was,

"Wow."

"Does anyone have any idea how we got back?"

"Maybe the Maximals took us back." suggested Scorponok.

"Maybe there was a transfictional rift that opened and using indefinable plot twists, transported us back into the C.R. chamber." suggested Tarantulus.

"...." said the other Predacons by means of response. They shoved him back into the C.R. tank.

It was a dark and stormy night. Lightning struck. In fact, it struck a metal pile of pieces laying on the ground. The drone was fused back together. The sound of evil cackling (disembodied) could be heard. The drone climbed back onto it's claws and turning it's compound eyes to the sky, shouted.

"I'm ALIVE!" Now I shall have my vengeance. It thought.

Oh, here's Rattrap's list by the way.

1. Would make a good slave-driver.

2. Good at carrying things.

3. Not a bad throw.

4. Hates drones.

5. Hates long patrols.

6. Good at telling whose fault things are.

7. Doesn't have a cat for a beast mode.

8. Doesn't have a hawk for a beast mode.

9. Isn't pink.

10. Not creative enough to retaliate with counter-practical jokes.