Beast Wars Anonymous:

Beast Wars and all related belong to Hasbro. The story, its original contents and ideas, and any original characters belong to the author and cannot be used or reprinted without the author's permission.

Author's Note: Nintendo 64 and the movie "The Matrix" are copyrighted by their respective companies; used without permission.

The Wreck-Room
by Sphinx (Cyrrus25@yahoo.com)

Rattrap was having a bad day. He'd been working nonstop for the entire morning, and he was tired.

He walked down the empty hallway to the wreck-room. He needed a break. He had some time to spare; a little time killing in the WR wouldn't hurt.

Upon reaching the room, Rattrap opened the door.

And his jaw dropped.

To his left Optimus and Megatron were sitting on a couch, watching a movie together. On the other side of the room, Inferno was cooking in the little side kitchen. Blackarachnia was helping him. Over in another corner, Cheetor, Rhinox, and Tarantulas were playing Blitz on the N64.

"What the slag is goin' on here?!" Rattrap shouted, turning every head in the room. "Cheetor, I thought I said my Blitz game was OFF LIMITS!" He stalked over to the younger 'bot. "You're supposed ta ASK!" he snatched the controller. "'Sides, you're doin' it all wrong. Watch dis!"

The rat proceeded to slag everybody who played against him, warning them to never play NFL Blitz against 'Da Rat'.

"Dat is how ya play Blitz!" Rattrap said as he wondered off to do something else.

Rhinox immediately dived for the controller, knocking Cheetor aside, causing the cat-bot to snatch it out of the way. Tarantulas unplugged the wire and inserted his own controller, saying it was his turn, Rhinox and Cheetor groaned. Rattrap ignored them and walked over to Optimus and Megatron.

"Hey guys, what movie ya watchin'?" He looked over their shoulders.

Megatron was in tears. "Oh no! Bambi, your mother's been shot by hunters! Ohohohoh you poor little thing!"

Optimus patted him on the shoulder. "There, there, it's just a movie. And it has a happy ending, too."

"Really?" asked Megatron, wiping tears away.

"Sure."

"Yeesh!" said Rattrap. "Dis is pathetic! You guys wanna watch a real movie?"

"Yeah!" the two large 'bots chorused.

Rattrap plugged 'The Matrix' into the VCR. Someone hadn't rewound it; the movie began right at the metal detector scene.

Megatron jumped as Neo began shooting everyone in the room. He leaned forward on the couch. "Oooh! Kill 'em! Kill 'em! Woah! Check that out!"

"I give up!" groaned Rattrap. He had expected Megatron to dive under the couch.

The rat-bot wondered off to find something fun to help him relax. He passed Waspinator on the way. The giant wasp waved to Rattrap.

"I say, Rattrap old bean. Would you be good enough to hand me my quantum physics book, please?" said the heavily accented 'bot.

Rattrap gave the book to him. "Yeah sure, pal. No problem." How da Pit does he cover dat accent when he's in character? He thought.

"Oh, thank you ever so much, old chap."

At the kitchen bar-counter, Terrorsaur and Scorpinock were sipping mugs of coffee.

"I gotta get a new role," Terrorsaur was saying. "My character's just too predictable! All he ever does is try to take over!"

"How do you think I feel?" asked Scorpinock. "I'm just a flunky!"

"Where's Stripes and da Bird-lady?" Rattrap asked the depressed duo.

Terrorsaur pointed. "Over there, listening to music."

"Not more o'dat Native American stuff! Yuck!" Those slaggin' tree-huggers are da only ones similar to their BW characters.

The red bot nodded and sipped his coffee.

Rattrap went over to the last corner. Dinobot was playing a cello, practicing some new piece of his.

"'Ey there, Chopperface. What'ch playin' dis time?"

"Well, brother, I have just obtained a work by Mozart. Would you care to join me in a duet?"

Rattrap took out his violin from a nearby case. "Yeah sure, Big-bro. What key is it in?"

"Normal C"

The two brothers played the Mozart for a while, their pitches perfectly balanced, vibrato making the tones sweet and mellow.

Finally Rattrap put his violin down. "Got anythin' else we can pl-"

An enormous explosion from the kitchen interrupted him. A very charred Inferno stepped out of a large black cloud, coughing.

"Sorry, guys. I'm afraid I burrrrrnnnned the lasagna I was making for lunch." He turned as Blackarachnia called to him.

"Okay!" the ant-bot called back. Turning towards everyone else, he said, "Ladies and gents, we will now be serving balogna sandwiches."

Blackarachnia shouted from the dark cloud, "But we're out of bread!"

Assorted groans arose from the other 'bots. Balogna sandwiches were not the favorite, especially with no bread. The whining would have continued had the loudspeaker not sounded.

"Will everyone in Other Voices part 2 please report to sound stage 5."

"Aw, man! My break's already over!" Rattrap whined.

Optimus was first out the door. "Whoopee! I get a lot of speaking parts in this one!"

Rattrap whispered to Megatron. "Does he know da writers kill him at da end of da episode?"

"Guess not." replied the large purple 'bot as they walked to the sound stage.

"Rumors say the writers are going to kill me some time next season." Dinobot commented from behind them.

"Dey wouldn't dare!" Rattrap was shocked.

"They said something about making the show more realistic," said the raptor-bot.

"The same was said for our dear Tigatron and Airazor," Waspinator piped in.

"What is wit these writers? Don't dey know how hard it is ta get a job when you're a transforma?"

"You should see some of the concept art for their newest show," said Dinobot. "The characters look like freaks! I think it's called Beast Machines, or something like that."

"Why am I always da last one ta hear about dis stuff?"

As they reached the set, the director pointed them to their various positions. "Okay people this is Other Voices part 2, scene 6. Optimus, Airazor, and Rattrap you are all standing here. Razor, baby, you are perched on Op's shoulder. You all are in beast-mode. You know your lines? Good. Role camera!

"Camera rolling!" came the hurried reply.

"Scene 6, take one," said the guy with the clapper.

"And...action!" shouted the director.

Rattrap walked over to Optimus as his script had said. "It's like I've been sayin' since we landed on this dirt ball. We're all gonna' die!"

"Shut-up, Rattrap!" Optimus and Airazor chorused.

The director smiled. "Cut! Print! That's a wrap!"

Rattrap was still having a bad day.